Pittsburgh before it was home

As per Amy's request to "ugly it up" a little...

I hated the humidity here. It was especially bad during August and September in my little top floor room in a house with no air conditioning. I couldn't escape the smothering wet air that seemed to suck out my will to live. I sweat a lot anyway, so the extra water made me gross all the time. And then I'd freeze after ten minutes in an air conditioned building. Sometimes I was too hot to sleep and I would leave the fan on all night. I got so excited when it rained, because I thought the rain would clear out the pressure, cool things off. Then I realized that it just added to humidity without taking away the heat. I hated that it felt like being a jungle sauna, my hair that will not hold curl starting to frizz in weird ways. I could feel the humidity in my lungs, pushing them down underwater and holding them there. I would walk home from class late at night and be able to see, actually visibly see the water in the air around the street lights.

I hated not knowing where anything was. I could find a couple of things, but my geographic knowledge was limited to a five block radius at most. But I hated driving somewhere with my roommates and not recognizing anything, not having any kind of reference point for where I was. I couldn't tell north or south or up or down. I had no idea where a gas station was or a shopping mall. I was useless when people asked me directions. I could only plead "not from here" and hope they found someone more useful. It gave me a sense of powerlessness, of lost control.

I hated not having any friends. I have two wonderful roommates, but they aren't in school and our schedules are completely different. I didn't really know anyone in my classes beyond their names and genres. I hung out with people from church, but they weren't my friends. They weren't people I could call up at any time and say let's go out, let's do something. Or let's stay in, let's just hang out. I spent at least half of my time on the phone or on the internet trying to keep in touch with the people I missed so much. I missed being in charge, being the leader, being the instigator. I missed knowing the inside jokes. I missed being needed as a friend, being understood. I started to hate having to explain who I was again and again and again.